Before I launch into this post I'd just like to point out that this post was written in somewhat of a melancholic moment and edited with a clear but sleepy head. However I felt it wouldn't be true to self to take out the bits I was a little apprehensive about, don't worry it's nothing crazy just something that goes back to the fear that comes with exposing one's self like this on the internet. You can read more about that Here.
So without much ado let's get on with today's post. I wanted to share with you guys my life behind Albatroz & Co. the basic and not to basic topics I have managed to avoid this whole time. They'e broken into little subheadings e.g family, friendship, relationships etc. for better read. This post is a little on the long side so I've broken it up with some very candid images of Dublin South taken on the bus to work or just walking.
My family situation is not one I can explain in one paragraph in a post and it's probably not one I'll ever lay fully bare in an individual post. As much as Albatroz & Co. is my online space to make my own and share what I please, its a space within which privacy is in no way guaranteed. It's on the internet, anyone can read this!!
I'm the eldest of 3 girls, my younger siblings being 17 and 12 years old but you'd barely be able to guess looking at all of us. I've a 17 month old nephew who lives in England with his mam ( my middle sister) and my mum. I live in Ireland with my youngest sister but she lives with close family friends while I rent out. You got all that? I won't get into the whys and hows here but that is my immediate family.
What I will say is my family is in no way perfect but it's not as broken as it sometimes feels either. After all is there such a thing as a perfect family?
The topic of friendship is surprisingly just as tough for me to speak about as the family is. People often assume that because I know a lot of people I just have a lot of friends. That is a common misconception I'd like to dispute today. I mean yes I can be friendly with people, basically anyone but I work in retail so it's just something I've learned to tap into for social interactions. I'm actually pretty darn awkward with social situations a lot of the time. if it's acquaintances or people I know, or at least that's how I feel. I'm I making sense?
I find conversation making quite hard but because I'm perceived to be a talker and yeah I can talk for the country sometimes especially when I'm nervous and around new people. It's draining and find myself always sticking to a very general range of topics e.g work, weather, TV.
But on the other hand there are some people I can spend hours talking to without getting that feeling like I'm not good enough to converse with so who knows maybe it's all in my head?
I dropped out of college the last week of October this year. No I'm not a waster or dosser who couldn't hack it. I dropped out of college mainly because the course was not at all what I expected it to be.
The workload didn't push or challenge me the way I'd have liked and it didn't look like it would change in the future. From what I've heard since leaving, I definitely made the right decision. Therefore until the next academic year begins, I'll be taking the year out and revisiting my options to see what course I'd like to do. After all I'd rather have a year of thinking and working than doing a course I'd absolutely hate.
While taking the year out I'll actually be working. I'm currently working 2 jobs so I practically live in the shopping centre I work in. I need to be able to pay rent and bills and food as come January 2017 I'll be living in a new house share!! I've had a few viewings and hopefully soon I'll get a place so wish me luck and keep me in your prayers ( if you're the praying type)
Well, we can't lay everything out on the table now can we? ;) Keep an eye out on my Snapchat and other social media to see if anyone makes an appearance.
I'll actually also take this moment to remind y'all to sign up to my Newsletter the first of which will be going out in January. Sometimes a blog can't reflect everything about a person's life so the newsletter would be kind of what goes on behind the blog. The adventures and outings that don't make it on here. I try to be as organised as I can be which in turn means that sometimes my posts are planned for the month in advance and I can't bring up a trip to a haunted house I went to in October in a December post. The newsletter would eliminate that break in reality a little more.
I would also give out weekly finds in fashion, Blogging Tips, good books, or anything interesting and useful not just junk and updates on my 30 Day Challenges instead of the announcement and final result post that gets onto the blog. And you'll get ahead of the juicy details of any upcoming giveaways, new developments in the works, trips etc. You can add your email address to the mailing list by typing it in the Newsletter Subscription Box in the sidebar of the webpage. I promise you won't regret signing up when you see all the different doors it opens behind the scenes!
I say a lot that I over think things but I feel like sometimes people just say that without really thinking about it. Thinking over something enough times that you actually end up crying or feeling bad about yourself, others or just general life isn't as f. And I mentioned in my last post about My December Challenge that I was hoping it would help me stop over thinking as much. Break some sort of pattern that is honestly just unhealthy.
The past few days I've been taking the time to write in my journal every little thing, even the things I think may sound trivial or silly because even though they may be just that to others, it was enough to make an impact on me and I need to face the why's of that and move on.
Another thing I've been doing is some belly breathing as I lie down to sleep and with the breaths I try to push myself to forget about the things in the day I don't need to remember. I really don't have to keep making myself feel bad for being an hour late to work because the buses didn't show and I ended up walking and the little things like not smiling at someone when they smiled at me. Really it may sound silly but its just that and it's effecting me more than it should.
For a while I've been considering seeing someone like a therapists or something. ' Not because there's something wrong like, just so that I can have someone to talk to and sort things out with' sounds like the generic person afraid of the stigma of seeing a therapist no?
But the thing is where will I find the time? As such my journal is my kind of stand in therapist. And of course my friends too and I'm lucky enough to have a fair bunch to talk to when needed.
That in a nutshell i more or less my life. I know it's not the most interesting story in the most interesting story in the world bu my story non the less and I'm so glad to be able to share it with you all. I'm posting this with slight anxiety and nerves but ah sure, it'll be graaand!
Have you too managed to open up about something you've kept bottled a while? Big or small, I'd love you to share it with me!!
Till next time my pretties xxx