Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Lessons in Honesty














I have felt very limited in my writing for quite some time now and I think, no, I know, the biggest contributor to this is the fact that I haven't been able to be very honest with myself within my own space. Of course when you choose to live a piece of your life on the world wide web for all to see you have to be fairly careful what you reveal. Not particularly for with the intention to deceive or mislead but mostly for self-protection. There is a great deal of vulnerability for those people such as bloggers and YouTubers who share personal details of their lives with the global community. A vulnerability that doesn't come with the protection of hired bodyguards and high secured mansions celebrities enjoy. I have always been keenly aware of the lack of this lack of security. As such I have been careful what I write, ensuring that not one is implicated in any defamatory ways, no one's security is put at risk or is offended.

However this was not always the case, when I first started blogging with my very first blog, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (yeah I know, I'm terrible but I was twelve) I wasn't quite so careful. Of course I made sure to never offend purposefully, but that didn't mean I didn't give my opinion ( and then bite off all my nails terrified that someone might find it offensive). Back then my mentality was, 'my blog is my space where I share my life and people can read it if they want to but if they don't want to then they don't have to because this is what they see is what they get' and that was that. Somewhere along the way I started adapting my writing to fit what I thought people wanted to read. I started seeking attention once I was somewhat comfortable with expressing myself because I wanted people to know that 'hey I have a voice and you should listen to me cause I'm a really cool person online' ( which I wasn't, I was being an eejit but please forgive me puberty and I weren't very good friends.)

I remember nights spent in front of my old (SUPER slow) computer which my teacher had fixed up and given me out of goodwill, writing posts about how to keep your hair healthy during winter or how to dress for your body type. I doubt the people reading these posts knew there was some kid wasting time learning about all this junk instead of actually doing her homework or sleeping ( which my mother wasn't happy about) but I was happy with the attention ( it's sad, trust me, I know) so I did what I had to to get it. I went back and forth between being myself and being a blogger in its purest form, someone who writes something on a blog.

When I started Albatroz & Co. I wanted things to be different. I was uping my game but I wanted to always stay me. I chose I name that I felt would get across the Boss Ass B*tch vibe and also I just really loved the song by AronChupa. But I took out the 'a' to make it slightly more original. I wanted to stay original. Buuut old habits die hard. I had gained confidence and established a solid foundation of my personality from the years of blogging that I had done prior to Albatroz & Co. and I was finally ready to continue experiencing and discovering me whilst sharing my views of the world in my own space in my own way.

But I was seventeen and at seventeen I'm still pretty much a child and highly prone to changing my mind a lot. I convinced myself having minimal writing, as in one or two paragraphs, on each post was sufficient for a minimalistic vibe. I don't know if you've noticed, but you're on the fifth paragraph of this post, imagine trying to fit all this craziness in two!

Whereas some might be put off by the fact that they have nothing interesting in their life to talk about, I had a buttload of things happening in my life to talk about. Like my crazy family, and I know everyone says that, but not everyone has a member of their family living in a different home with different people and in different countries, but hey, I do. But these were things I was embarrassed about sharing, I didn't want my family to be 'broken and shitty like everyone else's'- quoting Juno (movie), I wanted a happy normal family and if I couldn't have that then I'd blog about the latest D.I.Y I did instead and no one will be the wiser.

There's been some recent developments in my life and I've come to understand that, my life is what I make it. I can be influenced by the actions and opinions of others but the course of my life can neither be paved of shaped by the actions or words of anyone but myself. I am not every single member of my family, or those in the circle of friends and they are not me. I cannot answer for their actions and they cannot answer for mine. We can only help each other grow into the people we want to be ourselves, nothing more. And when we are unable to do that we start to have negative effects on each other and that is when you know it is time to walk away.

So this is me walking away. Away from the shame and embarrassment I felt that held me back from truly being myself. Away from feeling as if I have to atone for the wrongdoings of others. Away from the darkness and secrecy and lies. I've got some great stories which are mine to share when I please but I want to make better memories.

So yes, that is just something I felt I needed to get off my chest as some sort of mini closure. It appears I've been closing a lot of doors and crossing bridges lately. Continuously looking forward to the doors to come and the bridges yet to be crossed. 

How are you feeling about where you are in your life right now? Are you facing changes or looking forward to anything? I'd love if you'd share?

I hope you enjoyed reading this post as much as I did writing it.

Till next time my pretties xxx
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Sunday, July 03, 2016

Wake Up Calls









Skirt - H&M
Top - H&M

Do you ever see someone doing better than you and realize you need to up your game? I have this inherent fear of neutrality. I do not know the source of it or when it started but it is there. For so long I wanted to live a normal life yet now I want anything but normality.

I crave the unexpected twists and turns of life, never knowing where you may end up. However that doesn't mean I do not worry about the unknown abyss of darkness a.k.a the future, that lies ahead, because God knows I do, but I don't worry as much as I use to. Every now and again, I slip into a routine, a state of comfort and contentment and without even knowing it, I stop doing the things that push me out of my comfort zone and towards the better me.

Today I woke up to a tweet from someone I don't know but I went to school with and I'm following. It was about their latest blog post. Not having any prior knowledge that this person was a fellow blogger, I was immediately intrigued and did not hesitate to click on the link. And I'm glad I did because I really enjoyed that post, and the one I read after that, and the two, three after that too. I was also impressed by their audience connection given the short space of time they have been in the blogosphere. I, and especially the beginner blogger in me felt excited and delighted for them and the success of their blog. From what I was reading they seemed to enjoy writing and their work was nothing short of enjoyable and refreshing.

However it also scared me. Why? Coming back from months of not blogging, I felt like I was beginning to get a hold of myself and the blogging thang again. But seeing these blog posts and the life in them, I felt as though I had somewhere along the way lost my own mojo. I can still remember the excitement and big ideas I had planned for the blog and general life when I first started. Plans and ideas that have been left to fade to incoherent ink marks in dusted old notebooks. In all fairness, some of these plans were probably out wishful thinking at the time, like wanting to move to a different country or travel the world on my non-existent budget but others like wanting to experience my surroundings and even starting a section to do with natural African hair, really did excite me, and I felt I could do it. I know I still can.

 I became comfortable in the fact that I had finished school and thus had no more worries. Which don't get me wrong, I am over the moon about but what I looked forward to most to do with this time was to experience... just... life. To go out and just do...something, anything instead of being cooped up in the house all day. I guess you could say I'm a collector of experiences. I would much rather walk under all the different types of weather the Irish climate can throw at me in the pace of a day ( which is many) than lay in my bed regardless of how comfy and most definitely warmer than the weather outside it is.

I guess coming across this post was kind of my wake up call to get out of myself and resume life, you know, get a new job, see my friends, prepare for college (which I'm super excited about assuming I hopefully get into college!) and experience more in life without restraints. It might sound silly, I know, but I'm really glad for it. And seeing as I am talking about experiencing all that is life, I guess you could say it's about time to reveal the BIG surprise I hinted at in my last post!

*insert Little Einsteins theme song* That's right, I'm going on a trip to....Ghana!! I'm going back home and I am beyond excited! It's been four years since I've seen my grandparents, great-grandmother, cousins etc. I've spent the last week getting visas for Ghana and Istanbul where I'll have a 22 hour layover, amonsgt other things ( I promise I have some semblance of a life). It's all together been a pretty busy week so far but now there's only 10 days to go till the adventure begins. Here's to experiencing life guys.

Follow me on my social media accounts, links on the top right bar, for daily updates on the Ghana status and also of the craziness that is my life aaand if you feel the urge, don't hesitate to click the buttons below and show some love by sharing this post.

I hope you enjoyed reading this post as much as I loved writing it. Is there anything you've done recently or will be doing that, like me, have you beyond excited? I'd love if you could share in the comments below. 


Till next time my pretties xxx
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Sunday, June 26, 2016

June Playlist

Dublin City Centre

The Pantheon- Rome, Italy

Trinity College, The Long Room


Lyme Park -Manchester, England

Dun Laoighre Pier - Dublin, Ireland



Alas, it is all OVER!! School, exams, teachers, all of it.  Never again will I invest so much energy and time into something that takes more away from my life than it gives. The Education System here in Ireland, especially for the Leaving Certificate, to put it nicely, is shi...I mean, could do with a bit of work. You got to school for six years to be tested on your memory of two year's worth of work. It's a topic that is bound to set off most people who have been through secondary education and I don't blame them. Buut I am done with all that jazz now and for now I'm perfectly content with not thinking about the Leaving Cert. until August 17th when I shall get my results.

I sat my last exam two days ago, on Friday. Having already had my graduation is felt odd  seeing the people I had already said goodbye to weeks earlier all gather around for our exams. It made me feel as if I hadn't really moved on like I wanted to. Walking out of my last exam, I felt as if I was finally turning the page on a chapter of my life that needed to end a long time ago. I know there are some people who say your school days are the best days of your life and there definitely were some great days but the bad ones weren't too far away either. I've made great friends and memories over the last six years, some I plan on holding onto for many years to come but for others our time together has come to an end. It is the flux of life and you must change with it or be left behind.

Thus this month's playlist is a little on the sadder side to symbolize the sadness of leaving behind what belongs to the past and some brightness too to symbolize keeping with the forever moving current of life and time and looking ahead with curious & excited anticipation. I hope you enjoy!

P.S Hello My Name is Doris (movie) has totally reignited and fueled my love for indie pop. I can see next month's playlist will be off the wall and electrifying! I'm also totally wishing Baby Goya and the Nuvlear Winters were a real band because damn they's be amazing!

June Playlist

Dance Rascal Dance - Baby Goya and the Nuclear Winters
I'm Good - The Mowgli's
I Need A Forest Fire - James Blake, Bon Iver
Special Affair - The Internet
Nobody's Human - Jessarae
Way Down We Go - Kaleo
Low Life 2.0 - X Ambassadors, Jamie N Commons, etc.
Rollercoaster - Bleachers
Enthropy - Bleachers
Through The Dark - The Mowgli's
West- Sleeping At Last


What chapters in your life have come to a close lately? Big or small, I'd love if you'd share.

Till next time my pretties xxx
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Sunday, June 12, 2016

Looking Forward










Top - H&M
Skirt H&M

I must've  missed these outfit posts a lot more than I previously thought because shooting this outfit filled me with so much happiness and totally calmed my exam jitters.

My love for everything H&M definitely shines through this outfit. I bought the skirt in Poland two months ago visiting Kraków on a school trip. I've always loved skirts but the quest to find one that suits has always been a long and unpredictable one. Who knew all I needed to do was go to a different country?

For now, it's Tuesday evening and I'm sitting on my bed preparing this post for y'all ( which I really hope y'all enjoy). The infamous exams that have been slowly trudging towards me begin tomorrow and its been so trippy. One minute I'm feeling completely confident that everything will be alright and the next minute I just want to crawl up in foetus position and cry myself to sleep.I know I don't have much of a reason to worry but that's always easier said than done. Hopefully when you guys read this ( 5 days from now) I'll be pushing through the exam stress and keeping above water. *Insert pep talk* You've totally got this girl! *end pep talk*

There are so many things I want to do and experience after these exams and I have a BIG surprise in store for y'all. Guess you're just gonna have to come back if you want to know then aren't you?

Till next time my pretties xxx
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Sunday, June 05, 2016

Green Power


Photo Credit: Christian Highlander

A few months ago I decided to go on a detox to help me boost my energy levels and manage stress better. Today I'd like to share one of my favorite recipes that I loved and found very helpful. It sounds a bit far fetched but give it a shot, I promise you won't regret it.

Ingredients:

Handful of Spinach
2 Kiwis
1 Banana 
Preferred amount of Water

Blend it all together and you're good to go!

 I loved drinking this in the morning either for breakfast or as a mid-morning drink. Either way it'll definitely cleanse and refresh your body and get you feeling your best in no time. 

Hope you enjoy and let me know how it goes!

Till next time my pretties xxx

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Sunday, May 29, 2016

The Graduate








I cannot express in words how happy I am to be back with an outfit post!! It’s been seven months since my last outfit post so I think it’s fair to say this post has been long overdue. Clearly I'm a bit rusty because I'm not entirely sure what is going on with my arm in these pictures OR why I'm facing the same direction in almost all of them but it feels good to be back.

As it happens, this is the outfit I wore to my graduation bar the heels. Being my usual Little Miss Last-Minute self, I’d managed to completely put off all graduation prep until 9 hours before the ceremony (yeah, I know. I'm terrible but I still managed to scoop The Most Organised Award, so I can't be that bad!). Anywho, two shopping centres and well over 2 dozen shops later I came across this outfit thanks to my mum (a.k.a chauffeur and trusted critique) and the wonderful Sales Assistant at H&M with the super cool turquoise glasses. What more is there to say? It was love at first sight. It also brought into sharp focus the fact that I'm in desperate need some retail therapy. Something that must be addressed after these exams. Only 10 more days and counting (eeekkk).

But its 10pm now and as lame as it sounds, I am seriously drained. All this studying has really done a number on me, especially with all the lifting that comes with the journey of food to mouth.


Till next time my pretties xxx
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Sunday, May 22, 2016

May Playlist



Lanes - Yuna
Tennessee - Kiiara
I'm In Love -Kygo, James Vincent McMorrow
Coming Home - Sigma, Rita Ora
Catch & Release - Deepend Remix
Georgia - Vance Joy
Hallucinations - DVSN
Crush - Yuna, Usher
Just Like Fire - Pink
Raging - Kygo, Kodaline
Youth - Troye Sivan ( Gryffin Remix)
I Lived - One Republic

I really wanted to do an outfit post today but the weather has been so unreliable lately. We've had some beautiful sunny days and some rainy ones too. But as it happens, the sun shines most during schoool hours and rains every other time! So I thought it'd be better to do the monthly playlist than no post at all.

May has been a study-heavy month for me and a lot of Leaving Cert students ( Seniors) because of our upcoming exams (which begin in 16 days). Personally I like to listen to classical music when I'm studying as it helps me focus more there much of what I've been listening to are piano and orchestrated pieces. The times I' not studying, I'm either winding down with some slow down tunage or trying to motivate myself to actually do some study so this month's playlist is a bit of a mix of both which I hope you will enjoy.

On a side note I have two more days of school left!! ( Cue the bittersweet tears.) Of course I'm delighted to be leaving school but my heart breaks at the same time knowing I'll never see half the faces of people I've shared 6 years of my life with, intimately or otherwise. We're coming to the end we've always known would arrive and a part of me has accepted that it's time to move on but some part of me wants to cry every time I think about it. I will of course be doing a post about Graduation and school and all that jazzy jizzle (hopefully including an outfit post) next Sunday but I just wanted to give y'all a heads up.

In the mean time, would love to know what you've been listening to lately. And if you have any bands or playlists you'd recommend, don't hesitate to let me know in the comments. 


Till next time my pretties xxx
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Sunday, May 15, 2016

Kraków




AUSCHWITZ CAMP I



 Cyclone B. cannisters 



List of Inmates

AUSCHWITZ CAMP II 


 Taken in the women's barracks

SCHINDLER'S MUSEUM

 Words of victims


 Schindler's desk

SALT MINES








As much as I love history, I didn't choose to study it for my final years of school. Partly because I'm not very good with dates ( I mean I have forgotten my own birthday three times) and partly because I generally have a head like a sieve. However when the history teacher announced plans for a trip to Kraków, I couldn't see a reason not to tag along (other than the fact that I was pretty broke). It'd be time I get to spend with friends, and a highlight of our final year of school. Furthermore it'd be one more country to add to my travel list!!

But we've been back now for 2 months and I can't put a lid on the massive wanderlust hole that it's opened inside me. There's a humbling beauty in delving into a city's history, such as that of Kraków's that leaves you questioning your own knowledge of the world around you. I know people who've been in Ireland all their lives, don't own passports and have no desire to ever leave Ireland. Now while I do not judge these people, I have to be honest, I find it difficult to understand their reasons. I'm constantly wishing to wake up somewhere new. New cities,  new faces, new accents, new sounds, new, new, new.

I remember sitting in a very hot Kraków police station surrounded by officers, not understanding a single word anyone was saying and feeling completely beside myself. On the one hand I wasn't entirely happy that my purse had been pick pocketed and that being the reason I was there in the first place but on the other hand I oddly appreciated?...enjoyed?... the experience. Does that even make sense? Who loses all their valuables in a foreign country and is actually grateful for it?  

Thankfully I had generous and wonderful teachers who supported me for the rest of the trip and made contact with the authorities and came with me to their head office for a statement. My English teacher even rooted through some trash cans with me, t'was a real bonding experience for us!

But it was the fact that it happened, in a country I've never been to, where I do not understand or speak the language that made it more significant as an experience. I can probably live without having to go through that again, and I have definitely learned my lesson now but I crave the sense of adventure and bemusement I felt, especially when all the people in the office I was being questioned in started spontaneously dancing to Shawn Mendes' Stitches on the radio because it was the office favorite. Like what!??

Come July 13th I will be boarding a plane to Ghana, West Africa where I will spend three weeks with my family whom I have not seen in about 4 years. I am beyond ecstatic! However I don't think I'll be able to hold myself back after this trip. Is there such a thing as a travel bug? Because I think I've caught it, big time!!

What are some of the places you've been or want to go? And any recommendations? Love to know!

Till next time my pretties xxx
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